I’m that friend who gets very over-excited and emotionally involved when friends even show a hint of liking a boy. All they’ve told me is that they have a date this weekend and I’m already off planning their life together as a couple, the children I’ll be godmother to and more importantly, their adorable dogs that I’ll get to dog-sit. I swear I’m not crazy…
I get emotionally attached to people and things very easily. This could be an endearing trait if it wasn’t for the fact that they’re usually dogs I see on my walk to work or tv or movie characters who aren’t even real people to get attached to god damn it. Then there’s the celebrity couples…
I remember just before Lamar Odom and Khloe Kardashian broke up, I was travelling home from California with my family. The tabloid mags in the airport were all covered with headlines claiming Khloe and Lamar’s relationship was on the rocks. Keeping up with the Kardashians is a serious guilty pleasure of mine which you may have guessed after reading my post about Kendall Jenner. My brother pointed the tabloids out to me and as any other rational Kardashian fan, I snapped at him and told him not to be so ridiculous, they were in love and would be together forever. I was wrong.
When the rumours of Beyonce and Jay Z separating began infiltrating pop culture, I turned a blind eye and thankfully it all went away. Then came news of Brangelina’s split and I lost all faith in humanity. And don’t even get me started on Lady Gaga and Taylor Kinney.
With all that in mind, I thought i’d take a different approach to Valentine’s Day themed posts. By this stage, the pre-Valentine’s day hype has already begun. The perfect date night lists, the gift guides and the date night outfit posts are being flung at us left, right and centre and if you feel like you’ve escaped them, just you wait. Here to add to the V day hype I’ve put together a round up of the celebrity couples I would most like to third wheel this Valentine’s Day. Yep, still not crazy, promise.
Beyonce & Jay Z
Date night scenario: Beyonce would bring me out on stage to sing a duet and I’d become Jay Z’s next protegee. Mainly just in it to meet Beyonce really.
Kim K & Kanye West
Date night scenario: Kim would give me a tour of her what I imagine to be, HUGE wardrobe followed by a personal styling session with Kanye for the LOLS, a free pair of yeezy’s in size 11.5 and a few concert tickets for good measure. I’m a cheap date.
Amal & George Clooney
Date night scenario: A fancy dinner at a beautiful restaurant. George would be on first name terms with all of the staff and not just because he’s George Clooney. We’d talk about politics and other topics intelligent and beautiful people talk about.The third wheeling ends with the signing of adoption papers. Soz, Mum.
Jenna Dewan-Tatum & Channing Tatum
Date night scenario: Any girl who kept her own name upon getting married is a girl after my own heart. Although Jenna compromised and still took Channing’s name and added it to her own, we’d bond over our double barrel names and how important our own surnames are to our feminist identities. Channing would then get up and perform his Magic Mike dance and after checking him out for a little too long it becomes clear that the third wheeling is over and I’ve overstayed my welcome. Worth it though.
Michelle & Barrack Obama
Date night scenario: The Obama’s would crash my third wheeling the Clooneys and the two couples would proceed to argue over which one of them gets to adopt me. Ultimately, the Obamas win out and we live happily ever after as a little family.
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